I just got to thinking about my education, my schooling, my life. And I felt so inadequate. I don't feel like I know enough, am smart enough, am where I should be with my schooling. I started crying I was so mad at myself. I told myself I hadn't done anything I expected myself to. I haven't reached the goals I set for myself. I wrote out lists of ideas of things to learn and do, and I haven't done them. And I regret it so much, because there is SO much I could be doing, could've done. I wasted time. And I feel like crap.
So know I have to go back and think of all the things I have done, all the things I've learned. I have to write them down, evaluate, talk, and think about them. Ask if I have indeed, learned anything worth learning. If I am at a point where I can say I'm educated, if I am able to function in society successfully with the education I have. If not, I need to write out how I can get there. I SO want to learn! I so want to know, to grow, to use the time and opportunities that I have and feel accomplished. To feel like I know something. To say that I was successful in school. I keep pretending. I keep telling people that I'm doing good, school's going well. In all actuality, it might be, but I don't feel like it is. I feel like I've done nothing. I do not want to go back to highschool, I do not wish I was there. I just wish I was accountable, and responsible. I wish I was motivated and did all of the AMAZING things that I could do. I need to get there. I don't know how, but that is where I have to get to. I need to know that I'm not a failure.
The next step is to figure that out, to write down what I have and compile it into some portfolio, some format. I need to finish the projects I started, and write down what I have learned from them. Then I need to finish what I still need to learn. I can't keep pretending and feeling like I am going nowhere!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
St. Nicholas Day
Happy St. Nicholas Day!
Today is one of my favorite holidays. Not super huge like Christmas, but super special. I cherish it. Today I woke up and got to the pre-school by 8:45, like every Tuesday and Thursday now until May! I didn't think that I would like working at a pre-school, but I actually am really enjoying it. I know that these kids probably won't remember me in a couple of years, but it's really fun to watch them learn. It's so cool to see the world though their eyes, at their level. Watch how each of them have different personalities and learning styles. Today I helped Aletheia make her advent wreath...we dipped their hands in green paint and had them put their handprints on a piece of paper in a circle...it ended up looking like a wreath of boughs. Then we took red paint and with their index finger had them make berries. They turned out all different, but really neat. We will tape an advent candle on at the end of each week.
When I got home from pre-school, I helped Mom hang up grass mats in Uncle Dave's room that he brought home from India. They smelled like Grandpa's oats for his horses. I love that smell! Then I finished up my book "Hattie Big Sky". It had a nice ending...she didn't prove up on her claim, unfortunately, but she found a family, and Charlie was coming home from the war and wrote her a letter saying he was sweet on her. Awww! :) In the back of the book though are recipes, and I think I might make one as a little book project. One is a eggless, butterless, milkless cake. An endnote said it was sometimes called a Depression Cake.
Then Elly and I made a sign that says Welcome Home Randy, as our Thursday project. It was fun, and our poster is very colorful. Randy comes home in 9 days! Yipee!
I printed out our Order sheet for KCC, and took it over to church to make double-sided copies. I hope it works out.
Tonight the ladies in our church all got together for an ornament party. It was actually really really fun. We went to Pam Schell's house and all brought a snack to share, and then gathered in the living room. We all had numbers, and we each got to open a gift, or steal a gift from someone. Once a gift has been stolen 3 times it stays with that person. I got a little woodland Santa...It's a Santa wearing a long red and white coat, holding a bird in his hand, and carrying a sack with little sticks on his back. He is really cute, and I stole him from Janice. She really wants him though, perhaps I will enjoy him until Christmas and give it to her as a Christmas present. He's adorable though!
I'm going to sleep. Guten Nacht.
Today is one of my favorite holidays. Not super huge like Christmas, but super special. I cherish it. Today I woke up and got to the pre-school by 8:45, like every Tuesday and Thursday now until May! I didn't think that I would like working at a pre-school, but I actually am really enjoying it. I know that these kids probably won't remember me in a couple of years, but it's really fun to watch them learn. It's so cool to see the world though their eyes, at their level. Watch how each of them have different personalities and learning styles. Today I helped Aletheia make her advent wreath...we dipped their hands in green paint and had them put their handprints on a piece of paper in a circle...it ended up looking like a wreath of boughs. Then we took red paint and with their index finger had them make berries. They turned out all different, but really neat. We will tape an advent candle on at the end of each week.
When I got home from pre-school, I helped Mom hang up grass mats in Uncle Dave's room that he brought home from India. They smelled like Grandpa's oats for his horses. I love that smell! Then I finished up my book "Hattie Big Sky". It had a nice ending...she didn't prove up on her claim, unfortunately, but she found a family, and Charlie was coming home from the war and wrote her a letter saying he was sweet on her. Awww! :) In the back of the book though are recipes, and I think I might make one as a little book project. One is a eggless, butterless, milkless cake. An endnote said it was sometimes called a Depression Cake.
Then Elly and I made a sign that says Welcome Home Randy, as our Thursday project. It was fun, and our poster is very colorful. Randy comes home in 9 days! Yipee!
I printed out our Order sheet for KCC, and took it over to church to make double-sided copies. I hope it works out.
Tonight the ladies in our church all got together for an ornament party. It was actually really really fun. We went to Pam Schell's house and all brought a snack to share, and then gathered in the living room. We all had numbers, and we each got to open a gift, or steal a gift from someone. Once a gift has been stolen 3 times it stays with that person. I got a little woodland Santa...It's a Santa wearing a long red and white coat, holding a bird in his hand, and carrying a sack with little sticks on his back. He is really cute, and I stole him from Janice. She really wants him though, perhaps I will enjoy him until Christmas and give it to her as a Christmas present. He's adorable though!
I'm going to sleep. Guten Nacht.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Kaarre Culinary Creations
Mom, Erika, Nikki and I put an ad in that newspaper for Kaarre Culinary Creations. We just want to see if anybody needs some baking done this holiday season. We're offering cookie trays, pies, yeast and quick breads, appetizers, and candies...I wrote up the ad, and made a price and order sheet. We got our first order last night. Mom, Dad and I were talking that, even if we don't make much of a profit on this, it can be a service for people like Mrs. Johnson who lives in assisted care and can't bake or get out. But she wants to have treats to share. How cool is that that this can just be a service for people like her!
Today I woke up and read for a couple hours. I'm currently reading a book called "Hattie Big Sky" by Kirby Larson, that I got from the library. It is about an orphaned 16 year old girl who, during World War I, receives a letter that gives her a 320-acre homestead in Montana. Her uncle whom she had never met recently died, and left her his homestead. Only problem was, it wasn't proved up yet. Hattie has 11 months to build 460 rods of fence, and plant 40 acres of harvested crops.
After I read I organized our upstairs hallway closet full of blankets and sheets. Oh my! Then I came to City Brew and finished Lesson 9 in my Algebra 2 book. Lesson 9 is about percent word problems. After I finished up that lesson, I worked on creating the order form for the above mentioned Kaarre Culinary Creations. That took a while, actually, but hopefully it'll be usable. The nice thing is that this is practice, just for us. If it isn't efficient, we can just change it. It's not like I'll get fired from my job for messing up, this is just a cool learning experience I get to try. Trial and error! :)
Tonight we have our first soup supper and advent service at church! Woot!
Today I woke up and read for a couple hours. I'm currently reading a book called "Hattie Big Sky" by Kirby Larson, that I got from the library. It is about an orphaned 16 year old girl who, during World War I, receives a letter that gives her a 320-acre homestead in Montana. Her uncle whom she had never met recently died, and left her his homestead. Only problem was, it wasn't proved up yet. Hattie has 11 months to build 460 rods of fence, and plant 40 acres of harvested crops.
After I read I organized our upstairs hallway closet full of blankets and sheets. Oh my! Then I came to City Brew and finished Lesson 9 in my Algebra 2 book. Lesson 9 is about percent word problems. After I finished up that lesson, I worked on creating the order form for the above mentioned Kaarre Culinary Creations. That took a while, actually, but hopefully it'll be usable. The nice thing is that this is practice, just for us. If it isn't efficient, we can just change it. It's not like I'll get fired from my job for messing up, this is just a cool learning experience I get to try. Trial and error! :)
Tonight we have our first soup supper and advent service at church! Woot!
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